There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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