I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
