When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
