Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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