she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize