I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
