She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
