I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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