fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
