Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize