Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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