Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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