Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
