You really coming over, don't trick.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
