i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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