I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
