Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
