we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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