Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just found a bag of teeth...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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