They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize