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i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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