moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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