You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
