apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Are we still banned from the library?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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