This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize