all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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