I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
