Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
