everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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