Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
