I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize