I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
