I'm lost and stupid without you.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
