after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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