I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
