My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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