Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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