I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
operation have a gay friend backfired
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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