i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
