There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
