Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize