does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
