I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
