just come out here and I will go home with you...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
