i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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