I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
