He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
