Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
