thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
