Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
