I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she pinky promised me she was 18
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize