Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
