Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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