she was so not down for the gang bang
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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