so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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