East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
