Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
