that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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