why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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