The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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