I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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