I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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