I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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