I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
