so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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