I smell stomach acid.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize