i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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