so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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